Things left unsaid….

My divorce has left me bitter, hurt and more importantly healing. miss-peopleIf I could sum up how I feel in this stage of my life it would be the following:

I miss my husband. My kids miss their father. But I don’t want him in my life.

After this weekend, when I received the unexpected news that he would not be coming up to visit the kids but he hoped to visit at Christmas, my heart hurt for my kids.

The self-help articles, google searches….they don’t tell you about that.

Those are things left unsaid.

Those articles, self-help articles and blog searches neglect to tell you that you will feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness. I can see how people jump back into relationships before they are ready….its so incredibly lonely.

Again those things are left unsaid.

welfareWhen a friend from my youth posted something like this:

Anger flared inside me and I want to respond. I want to be mean, condemning the person of their thoughtless, narrow minded post.

I want to respond with FACTS like:

Many people stereotype welfare receivers as spending the money unwisely, but data shows that for families receiving assistance, 77% of the budget is used towards basic necessities such as housing, food, and transportation (compared to 65% for families not receiving assistance). Entertainment only accounts for 4.4% of the budget.

Children are more likely to be on welfare than adults, with 38% of kids aged 5 and under living in households that receive public assistance. Almost 35% of kids aged 6 to 10 and 32% of those in the 11- to 15-year-old range are on welfare.

Oh and how much of these welfare benefits are these people superfluously spending….Some states are more generous than others when it comes to food stamps but on average, families get just over $133 per person each month. (THAT’S RIGHT….$133 per person per month)

Let me recap for you...The American worker is spending on average $133/month for mostly children and single mothers to eat, receive medical assistance or get the training they need to prosper in life.

While there are inevitably going to be some bad apples in the bunch, many of the people who get help from welfare programs do so as a short-term fix while they take steps to improve their financial well-being.

I am what my friend would consider a welfare recipient and without it my kids and I would starve. (I would love to say I am exaggerating but I am not)

BUT maybe this is something that is better left unsaid.

Why? 

silenceBecause in the midst of my pain, hurt and healing….It is ok! It’s ok for my friends to post something based on their view point…even if I find it offensive and hurtful. It’s ok for google not to have all the answers. It’s ok!

In an age where everyone’s opinion is highly valued and revered. I truly appreciate that mine isn’t.  I don’t like to give my opinion often and I only give out to those who are truly seeking it.

Truth is opinions and feeling are often indicators not dictators. Both are often swayed based on many different aspects and neither should be resolute.

I guess despite my hurt heart, my frustration over my ex-husband…..I am kinda glad that somethings are better left unsaid.

 

 

 

 

 

The power to commit

committ Have you seen on Facebook or in an ad on the internet….Scripture Tattoo’s? Well a friend of mine challenged me to a thirty day memorization challenge.

10 Scriptures Tattoo’ed to your forearm….change  it out every three days and you have the potential to learn 10 new verses.

I understand the importance of memorizing scripture and jumped at the challenge.

Proverbs 16:3 was my first memorization challenge.

It probably wouldn’t have been a big deal. The scripture is easy and applicable right? But that’s all sunshine and rainbows…..till the words I am learning get tested?

And yesterday?

Well, that was a POP QUIZ. and guess what? I FAILED!

Thru a series of unfortunate events….I lost it. My dignity (Spewing horrible words of frustration, anger and resentment) I know there is a scripture for that.  I lost my pride. (Having to accept help from someone who has helped me so many times….i am to a point of embarrassment tinged with a touch of shame.) I lost face…in the sight of my kids, family and God. (They saw a side of me they’d never seen. A bitter, damaged person spewing awful things)

As I sat last night, still stewing over the day’s occurrences. I heard it. That still small voice.

“Anne? You are choosing to look at this through the eyes of bitterness, anger, and frustration. Try looking at it through the eyes of grace.”

So I did. I took off my blinders and put on the glasses of grace.

I saw people who love me so much that they would be extravagant in their love. Such a beautiful picture of grace.

“Anne?” 

“Yes, Lord?”

“Their love is simply a reflection of my love for you. I love you!”

Extravagant is defined as lacking in restraint in spending money or resources.

Stop: Right here!

This is the point of my post today. What if I, You, your mom, etc….committed to God whatever we did, a life goal, a daily task or the path of the day itself? What if by doing so, we allowed God to establish the plan, put in motion a way of getting it done? Then because of his extravagant Love for us…..God gets to do his thing! You know flex his awesome God muscles by teaching a life lesson on grace? or Bless you in ways that does nothing but point you to his extravagant love? or paint for you a beautiful picture of his unfailing grace?

Truth is I don’t commit to the Lord my plans often. I seize my day on my own. Create plans according to my purpose and will. I need to seize the power to commit. It really is that easy.

For me, my Tattoo Challenge has already been a success but this is only day 2 of a thirty day challenge.  I look forward to the next verse and whatever lessons may come!

 

 

Sailing through life adjusting my sails.

Two years ago.

My last post was two years ago.

There seems to be a bit of irony in that observation because it was two years ago life for me went all pear shaped. I could go into an overly detailed account of how life got out of sorts and the why…but what good would that do me or you, the reader, for that matter?

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Physically and emotionally scarred but ready for healing!

Instead, here I am two years later beautifully blessed and still blogging!

Instead of sharing an overly detailed account of these last two years, let me tell you what an over comer I am.

After two surgeries, countless tests and lots of sleepless nights….I overcame cancer!

After twelve years of marriage to a man who had a severe drug and alcohol addiction….I chose to walk away from an abusive marriage.

After eight years of being a stay at home mom….I am working towards a career to provide for me and my three amazing children.

Life is hard. Life is often unfair. Life doesn’t always make sense and in life the good guy doesn’t always win. In life being a good person doesn’t mean that good will always come to you BUT…..In life you have a choice.

sailboat-wallpaper-19You can make adjustments to your sails and sail in the direction the wind is going. Or you can fight the wind; ending up exhausted and worn.

I have chosen to adjust my sails.

Adjust my attitude. Adjust my job prospects. Adjusts my financial situation. Adjust my relationships. Adjusting my view of God….lots and lots of adjusting! Fine tuning myself so that I can get the most out of the breeze that is carrying me. In all of these adjustments I am rediscovering myself and that is such a neat thing!!

 

 

A question of what we absorb?

This morning in my daughters room I am sitting quietly as my son and daughter play in another room. I find myself slowly absorbing the sounds of our new home. It’s quite the odd thing to get used to. At our old home, the pipes squeaked, the washing machine would tumble loudly and one could always here the whereabouts of little feet by the creaking of the floorboards.
Here though…..as one might expect there are different sounds. My daughters rooms has bushes down below the window where sparrows gladly chirp and play. The dining room makes a whooshing sound as the furnace turns on and voices of those walking past can be heard from the family room. All new sounds that I am not yet accustom to.
The idea of new sounds paired with an article this morning posted on Facebook by a friend about the negative things society tells women regarding their body type and size, (check out the article here)
got me thinking…..what common things in my life have I grown accustomed to absorbing?
my husband telling me he loves me? Listening to my middle child bound out of bed each morning exclaiming “it’s wake up time everybody and its a beautiful day” The sound of my daughter`s breathing as she lays on my chest!
Similar to the article society has a status quo….it tells me that life should be all about me…..my career, my goals in life…etc. BUT what if society has it wrong.

I know I usually tie my posts up nicely but for me I need time to chew on this subject just a little more…..so keep checking for more about what we absorb!

Holding Back? Was it worth it?

Last year, my husband and I struggled in making the decision to hold our oldest son back in Kindergarten. After much discussion and speaking to him and his teacher about thoughts, struggles and progress the decision was made. It was a yes….keep him in Kindergarten for one more year.

image Here we are one year later and I often have other moms ask me…..

Was it the right decision?

My answer is an emphatic “YES!”

For my son the extra year has made a huge difference. Recently, I received a copy of his performance profile of Basic Skills taken at the midterm of this school year and it reinforced everything I was seeing.

Vocabulary – 95% NPR with a grade equivalent of 1.8.
Word Analysis – 98% NPR with a grade equivalent of 2.3.
Language 96% NPR with a grade equivalent of  1.5!

All of those numbers are well and good BUT here is what I see on a daily basis that were a struggle last year….

A boy eager to sit down and read a book with his dad!

A boy excited to go to school EVERY day!

A boy  at the top of his class and ready to learn lots more!

While for my son and our family holding him back a year was an excellent choice, it may not be the best one for everyone.

If you are struggling with the idea of holding your child back in school  click on the link below for excellent resources! Or comment below with any questions.

Greatschools.org

This Funny Little Thing Called LOVE?

It’s a funny thing…..love? It can be expressed in the simplest and most touching of ways!
For example: Yesterday, my oldest son was devastated that he had left something on the bus. Going on and on about how important it was, he started crying. I asked him why it was so important, to which he replied “Mom, it was for you!”
At that point the bus was gone. So we stopped and prayed that his surprise gift not be lost!
This morning after a bit of a bad attitude and a good adjustment in that attitude…my son kissed me good bye and hopped onto the bus. I waited for him to take his seat and blow me a kiss goodbye. To my surprise, he bounded off of the bus, ran to our van, opened the door and said, “Rita, saved it and don’t eat the treats till I get home!” Then off he went!
Here are pictures of the simple act of love my son showed me….

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Isn’t it sweet!!

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I guess I have very voluptuous eyelashes!! :0)

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I am sure to some it may not seem like much but to me it is everything!! And his treats are sitting on the counter waiting for him to get home!
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