I remember being a small child holding my father’s rough calloused hands, his knuckles swollen from a day of hard work. I would press each calloused spot and ask, “Does this hurt?” and he would gently reply, “No.”
Over and over, I would repeat the process till my Father grew tired of my childish ways and sent me off to help mom by setting the table for dinner.
I have a post that sits in my draft section titled: Things about divorce no talks about.
This beautifully crafted piece of written word sits waiting for me to click on the button that says: PUBLISH.
While today I may not be quite ready to hit that button, I choose to write about the callouses that can occur in life. (One among the many things about divorce no one wants to talk about)
See as a single/divorced mom of three children there is one aspect of my life that is exhausting. I do it all. I keep life going, organized and successful for three other humans. Often times imagery suggests a women trying to keep all of the plates spinning and I must admit that I feel that way on many days.
BUT in truth most days, I feel like I am holding on to a rope with all of my might. Deep callouses appear year after year as I firmly hold on to this rope.
All in hopes that by holding on I keep it all together.
I have never stopped and looked at my callouses until today. Upon reviewing them I see that my heart is a bit callous, my expectations are callous, even my dreams are a bit callous.
I feel like that small child poking at my father’s hand asking…………… “Does that hurt?”
Callouses are definitely not a hot topic among our society, let alone in regards to divorce. This is where as a christian, my faith reminds me that I am not in control and I never have been.
The callouses are there because I choose to hold on: Hold on to what? My expectations. My dreams. The way I thought my life needed to be. My financial security.
So here is my prayer. For myself and for those seeing the callouses for the first time!
Lord, it is hard to let go of things that are comfortable and familiar, even when they’re not good for me anymore. I need your strong power to release my grasp, finger by finger, on the things I cling to so tightly – like unhealthy ways of thinking or relationships that are not bear fruit. As I release them to You, give me the courage to receive all You have waiting for my empty, trusting hands!